this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
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when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
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