Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
worst night to have a conscience
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
