I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize