Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
