if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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