your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
