If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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