would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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