Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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