So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
