he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
