I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
