omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
