Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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