You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize