I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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