We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
