Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
