I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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