I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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