I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
