hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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