I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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