If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My breasts were aching with rage.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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