oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
