I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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