he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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