How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
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I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
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It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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