when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
