I'm laying in your front yard are you home
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just want nice things and good sex
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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