My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.