I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
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considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
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I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.