i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
