Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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