a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
