Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
