I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
