She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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