theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?