I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead