so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
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it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
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The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes