DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
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The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
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Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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