would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.