you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
