he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
