Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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