Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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