I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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