I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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