She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
