Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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