last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
