He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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