I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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