What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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