I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
