drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize