i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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