I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
