you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
