We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
