He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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